I keep thinking that sometime between watching the Red Sox and reading the latest issue of Funny Times, I'll find the meaning of life.

Hinduism tells us that beyond pleasure, beyond worldly success, even beyond performing our duties to the world, there is the eternal foundation of being. God.

As fall approaches, I watch frenetic squirrels jump from tree to tree in search of food for the winter. Sometimes they must miss and fall. How are you? people ask me. Even the doctors don't really want to know.

If I could just grasp onto the emptiness, I think I'd be all right. But I guess it's right to keep on searching.

I've been going through yet another mini health crisis over the past couple of weeks. I have these things called tori (plural of torus), which are bony growths in my mouth. They are slow-growing, benign, and common. The problem is that the mucus membrane that covers them is easily abraded with rough foods.

This is only really a problem because I am on the IV bisphosphonate Zometa, which is used to help avoid bone metastases from my cancer. Zometa carries a very small risk of a lovely condition called osteonecrosis of the jaw, in which the jawbone begins to die. The risk is increased when bone is exposed, which is why I had to have a root canal in a wisdom tooth a couple of years ago, instead of just having it pulled.

So: put all these things together and you have a much increased risk for a painful and debilitating secondary condition of my metastatic breast cancer.

My dentist scared the hell out of me last week. He looked in my mouth and said, "Oh, looks like we have some exposed bone here", which made me gurgle "Oh, no!" the way one does with several dental instruments in one's mouth. "Actually, it looks like the bone isn't exposed yet", he said. I still don't know if he was just trying to make me feel better or what. My oncologist admits it's a serious concern.

Anyway, the dentist prescribed this steroid paste which has an adhesive that's supposed to make it stick to the gum. Mostly it sticks to my tongue, but the sore does seem to be healing. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Since I don't have enough fingers to cover everything that goes on, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep yours crossed too. Just drive carefully.

And wish me luck in my search for the meaning of life!

May