Catching up

Several people--well, okay, one person--has noticed that I haven't been posting much lately. I went through a very tough few weeks. After getting through the time when my daughter was in the hospital, and cars were breaking, and all that, I simply collapsed. I curled up in my bed in the fetal position and lay there feeling hopeless.

I'm feeling better now. This morning brought a bit of it back, however...I was going through my email and there was a notice from the Hygienic Art Gallery that submissions for the Holiday Show had to be in by November 11th. This post was a "correction" to the date previously emailed to past participants; I had not received that post, however, so this one was the first I'd heard about the show. I immediately began panicking--what should I do, how will I have it ready in time, that sort of thing. Then I remembered that I'm already overcommitted and behind on things, and of course I had to beat up on myself a little more for that. It didn't help that it was a cold rainy day, exactly the kind of November day I dislike the most.

Why do I have to hang on to this guilt and self-hatred? I believe that behavior is purposeful, and I'm no exception to that rule. Lots of food for thought...

As a child, I was not allowed to express or even show anger. My parents got very angry with me for being angry. That meant I had to be guilty and a very bad person instead, and I'm still following the same old pattern.

Sigh...you'd think I would have outgrown that, at almost 56--and that I'd give myself a break, now that I have a terminal illness!

Anyway, this is a picture of my latest sale on eBay.


It's called 'Gaia Weeps'. No wonder hardly anyone buys my stuff. I'm a real drag...just kidding! I'm wonderful, don't you think?

May